Sustained by God’s Grace in the Midst of Life’s Trials
Lydie, 1st Congregation
I am Lydie Harwood, married to Reuben Harwood. We have two kids and attend the first congregation here at RHC.
“I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from, my help comes from the LORD the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip.” – Psalm 121:1–3a
I came across this psalm as a young girl feeling misunderstood, and alone. It gave me hope, and gave me comfort that God would rescue me.
My parents separated when I was a toddler. I lived with my mother; we did most things together. Church was her life; she never forced me to go with her as a young child, it was just something we did together. I was very motivated as a child, and I became aware that she was searching for something. When I was eight or nine years old, she lost her job, and experienced tremendous hardship, however, she remained faithful to the Lord. Subsequently, my purpose in life became studying hard and getting a good job. I thought by doing so, I could repay my mother for her labor of love to me, and make her dream of a better life come true. A longing for achievement and success became my focus in life.
To relieve my mother’s financial burden, I went to live with my dad when I was 11 years old. My father’s lifestyle choices made it that I was left alone most of the time. Outside of school, I was only allowed to do two things: sports and go to church. So, I looked forward to going to sports clubs on Saturday mornings, and church on Sundays.
Sunday services became a place of refuge. When I found myself without guidance and direction, I did what I knew best from my days with my mother: I went to church. I would even spend my free time just singing hymns and reading my Bible—my dad’s Bible actually. The psalms got me through life at that time; they brought me comfort, and I found them relatable. Jesus was my best friend. I would talk with him, recount my days to him, ask him questions, pray to him, and see my prayers answered.
One typical afternoon, as I lay on my bed singing from my hymn book, and going through the Bible as usual, I saw the light of Jesus, bright and shining down on me, and I heard a voice calling me His. It felt like the pages of the Bible had come alive. It was an indescribable feeling of joy, awe, fear, and conviction all mixed together. From that day onwards, I no longer believed just because of my mother’s faith, but I was convinced of God’s existence for myself, that He had called me His own and I belonged to him. I got up and was convicted to profess my faith. At 13 years old, I gave my life to Christ.
After that the road was full of some painful surprises, racism, death threats, homelessness, and loneliness. John 16:33 emphasises that “in the world [we] will have tribulation” but we can “take heart, [for Jesus] ha[s] overcome the world”. I would like to say that my faith never wavered through it all, but sadly, that’s not the case.
Just before the start of my nursing degree, my mother passed away suddenly. The person I loved the most—the person I lived for, my strength, the reason I got up when I was down—was gone. My loss caused me to doubt God, and question His goodness. What kind of loving Father would take away my only support system? Or not give her the chance to enjoy the fruits of her labour after she had suffered greatly on this earth? I was angry, lost, confused, and very depressed. With my mother gone, I lost my sense of purpose in life as I struggled to find a reason to exist, and I gave up on my faith in Christ.
Over time, I realised I could deny many things about God, but I couldn’t deny His very existence, because of my encounter with God. I knew He was real as he had revealed Himself to me in such an undeniable way. This belief slowly nursed me back from depression to life. He blessed me with a strong and special community that has sustained me along that journey, many of whom are still upholding me on my journey today. He indeed made a way, and led me back to him safely, strengthening and granting me wisdom.
My goals and motivation in life were very skewed and far from what the Bible teaches. As much as I loved God, I realised that I loved my mother more than I loved Him, and had set her on the throne of my heart. However, God was patient and merciful through it all in bringing me to the realisation that He has to be everything to me.
Quite often I forget this and fill my life with other objectives and goals. God is not always Lord of my heart. My worldly desires take priority, which lead me to wander away from His safe embrace. But through His love and mercy, He brings me back each time to where I belong, right at the foot of His throne. Now when I reflect on the experience of losing my mother or any other experiences, I no longer ask the “why” question. Instead, I ask what He is trying to teach me. Looking back, I realised God was always there through the pain. By His grace, I can now recognise and acknowledge His constant presence in my happiness or in my pain.
Now that I’m a mother, I pray for my children to experience God for themselves. I pray that God will reveal Himself to them so that they will be convinced not just of His existence, but also have a personal relationship with Him. I can teach them the Bible, but I cannot make them experience God for themselves. It is only through the grace of God, the power of the Holy Spirit, and more than anything, a true encounter with God that sustains us on our Christian journey.